+= Renewal =+

I've been here for about 4 weeks already, and things have been different from what I'm used to.
It is good, in a way.
Gives me a new experience. A new environment; definitely a new way of looking at things.
I'm slowly fitting in. Getting accustomed to things and settling issues. Only drawback is that I miss the friends and loved ones down hill. 
_________________________________________________________________

On a different note :

The turn of events lately have got me thinking, A LOT. 
Is it possible for things to turn out to be so twisted? 
Does a person have to go through life having to keep defending themselves? 
I lost the will to fight that way a long time ago, and i guess since I keep shutting off and not wanting to push my point out there, people will keep attacking.
I will still remain silent. Whats the point of fighting fire with fire?
I will still remain silent. Whats the point of fighting for my defense when the verdict had been set?
I won't break. Many have tried to test my sturdiness.
As long as I know where I stand and what I did. I know who I am, that's all that counts.
_________________________________________________________________

Anyways, on a lighter note : I've gotten a hair cut.

=+ This Type of Love +=

I watched this video a while back and in the quiet darkness of my room glanced into the world I wish I could have.

I want his type of love.

The kind which leaves shivers down your spine and you wouldn't even mind. It makes your toes curl, and your heard swirl.Type of love which makes your stomach flutter, your heart beats faster and slower. All at the same time.

Anyways, this is one poet I'm going to officially say I've fallen in love with. (too bad his married)

I Love Daddy!

Since its Father's Day, I've decided to list down why I LOVE my PAPA. (a.k.a Pops/Dad/Daddy/Father/Ah Pa/)

1. I Love my PAPA, because he didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.

2. I Love my PAPA, because where his money used to be, he now carries pictures of me.

3. I Love my PAPA, because he is Santa Claus.

4. I Love my PAPA, because he is someone to look up to, no matter how tall I've grown.

5. I Love my PAPA, because I follow his example not his advice.

6. I Love my PAPA, because I’ve learnt to smile like him. (from the heart)

7. I Love my PAPA, because he loves me to death.

8. I Love my PAPA, because he believes in me.

9. I Love my PAPA, because I used to run into his arms when his hands are empty.

10. I Love my PAPA, bacause he thought me to sing.

11. I Love my PAPA, because he LOVE(pretends to love) every single present, no matter what I give him.

12. I Love my PAPA, because no matter where I am, or what I'm doing, I still miss him.

13. I Love my PAPA, because his guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever.

14. I Love my PAPA, because since I was a baby his been trying to make me into a little woman.

15. I Love my PAPA, because he is very strong. (His had to be to bring up me and my 3 bros)

16. I Love my PAPA, because he has a way of putting everything back together, no matter how bad it seems to be.

17. I Love my PAPA, because he protects me.

18. I Love my PAPA, because he taught me to be steady, active, and that opportunity and responsibility go hand in hand. He taught me how to excel.

19. I Love my PAPA, because he is and always will be the first man in her life.

20. I Love my PAPA, beacuse he taught me what HUGS are worth.

21. I Love my PAPA, because taught me that laughter was the best medicine

22. I Love my PAPA, because his words are like a line of gold thread, and gradually over the years its gotten to be long enough for me to pick up in my hands, and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself.

I know he probably won't be reading this. Maybe one day soon, I'll come around to giving him this list. For now, I'll just leave it as a work in progress...

The Simple Joys Of Life

I was planing to write about this earlier, but some how got distracted. *sheepish grin*

Anyways, with all the running around I've been doing...I've somehow found some comfort up here on this hill. I guess when you do get a chance to work around, it's surprising how much you learn to appreciate when you are in a new place new.

Since I had to go on a treasure hunt for ribbons and I had spectacles to help me look around, I actually saw a few heart catching moments which I which I could have caught on video. Its this special moments in life I never want to forget.

Its so easy to get caught up with life and the amount of havoc we face with responsibility that we forget to enjoy life and all its deep intricasies.

Walking around, I caught this old couple probably in their early 70's,enjoying lunch while holding hands. I couldn't help but notice how they enjoyed life vicariously,so in love, like no one else was around. The wife whispered into her husbands ear, fussed over his meal and teased him. He tried to remain all macho, enjoying the attention he got and when they had finished their meal,he surprised her with a nice peck on her cheek. I barely caught it, but I caught them sharing this secret smile when their eyes met. Like they've been keeping a secret for a million years.

I guess it is true. In the end, the small things count the most

This hill has become one of much wonder for me.
Where else would you meet a lady from India in her 50's clad traditionally in a Saree, paired with a cool set of sneakers?

At the same place you would find a father carrying his lil' baby girl in his arms like she was the most precious item in the whole world. Fussing over her, and keeping her safe as he trudged through a walkway full of people rushing through their planned day of fun and excitement. He just took his time,walking and talking to her, making sure she was not startled by the sights and sounds, introducing her to new things and making sure her baby clothes were on right so she wasn't cold.

Puts a smile on my face just thinking about it. I didn't have a camera then. *damn* But at least I've got them all written down here to share with you. =)     

Turning nerdy.

It's been a crazy 3 days of running around. Part of the jobscope here is to be versatile and spontaneousTick and HUGE HUMONGOUS TICK

Had to go down hill to Wisma Genting for a meeting on Wednesday. Boy was I relieved. Well besides the sudden plan, packing, and rushing down without having anything to eat since lunch the day before, it was some how nice to step foot again in the concrete jungle with crazy air pollution, hot melting weather and traffic jams. Lol. Doesn't seem that enticing now, but that has been normalcy for me for the many years of my life. Up here where concrete + jungle come together, we walk, breathe fresh air, watch clouds pass by among us, all while suffer shivering nights and endless fights to stay warm after a shower in the early morning.

Stayed over at Denise's place after meeting. Decided not to do anything else cause we were both mentally and physically exhausted. Came back up hill early in the morning where we had another meeting to sit down to. *sigh* (Sings : Meeting after meeting..I'm becoming a workaholic)

After work at 7, (which I left earlier than normal)walked around FIRST WORLD PLAZA to look for ribbons for an event tomorrow and to purchase myself a pair of SPECTACLES

Not quite retail therapy, (since I think retail therapy requires you to spend your own money) but equally satisfying and gratifying. Couldn't be walking around half blind anymore since my contact lenses were giving me such a problem. Anyways, got a Polo brand of spectacles worth *drum roll* RM360

Yes i can hear the sounds of *gasp* and people fainting. That's what you get for making purchases up hill. But thankfully Mum and Dad chipped in for now, will pay them back once my pay is in. =)

Unfortunately, couldn't find the ribbons. So went to the MESS with Sharon, my colleague and Wei Vien (pronounced Vivian) my roommate. Fun, down to earth babes. (meaning they aren't as crazy as I am) Chilled there for a bit then headed back to bed.

Today's been crazy with a mission to find ribbons, which turned out could be found at Lovely Lace. *smacks head* Then ran around some more for event preparations. Buying more ribbons cause what I bought wasn't enough, and getting things done. *big huff* Now I'm back in office, working on some writing, but couldn't help but fill this up. Wait a minute...I wasn't supposed to fill you in on my pass 3 days. *smacks head again* Oh well...next post je la....*giggles*

Squinty Eyes

No, I'm not making fun of chinese people! I'm half chinese as well you know.

I've been going around the whole day today with squinty, RED, blood shot eyes, which make me look like i cried all night. I swear its so bad, it makes working hard. I can't look at the computer monitor proper cause the eyes burn.

I guess that's the price to pay for going a little crazy. There will always be repercussions. Now, how it happened...

Was pretty worked up yesterday hearing some magnetizing beats coming through the office window that i had to go an include myself in the event yesterday. Since Genting Highlands is celebrating their 45th Anniversary this year, they decided to give their employees a treat. So we were given a free lunch/dinner buffet, and the Arena Of Stars was turned into an unofficial club for the night. (more like just 3 hours)


So I happily put on my contact lenses and my dancing shoes and got myself to the Arena on my own without getting lost!

Yay Me! 

(give me a break, it was my first time)

So got there and had some drinks. Chilled with a colleague from the security department, Kuldeep. (he bought me the drinks, so sweet,kan?) And before you let your imagination run wild, he is an older gentlemen, whom if I met on the streets, I would address as uncle.

Anyways, bumped into Lydia and her 'guy friend' as well. Party was done my 1am. Then followed the designer from my department, Roslan to the MESS @ executives lounge@ Daddy Cool intoduced me to a bunch of his friends from all the other departments. Must admit it was nice being out, being able to be myself for a bit and chilling with Sous Chef's, entertainers and executives.

Last night really made me realise how much I miss life downhill. The friends, the chillout sessions, the freedom to be yourself. I felt pretty lost last night until Roslan introduced me to all this people.

When I was at the Arena, I kept thinking, if my bunch of crazy friends were here,I guess I just gotta make sure that I don't join the uptight band wagon. I have resoluted *is that the right word?* to being myself. Who says I have to just work and not have my fun,right? No matter who wants to judge, I'm just gotta stick to being ME!

Oopps...got carried away. Forgot to explain about the eyes. I think I'm allergic to the new contact lens solution i bought. Finished my bottle of SensiPlus and the pharmacy only had Complete. *danger* So that's kind of crappy. Should prolly get a pair of spectacles soon. =)

The Hide Away

I've just started on a journey/adventure. On a hill not so far away from normal civilization. And since I've come up here, it has given me some new experiences.

I've learnt that things aren't always what they seem from the outside many times before. And I have to be grateful that I learnt that early in life.

I've also learnt not to expect anything. Thus you never fall flat on your face with expectations. That's another thing I'm grateful to have learnt.

Probably why I'm here sitting where I am, and doing what I'm doing right now. Blogging that is. Its the easiest and most convenient way for me to expressing myself.

You might wonder, 'Expressing herself? Doesn't her job involve writing all day? Isn't she expressing herself enough?'

Sure I write all day (well,most of the day) but that doesn't mean I'm able to express myself. Plus when most of the communicating you do all day is with a computer monitor and everything is about work, you tend to find a need to break out and just chill.

Not that easy to find here, so I find joy in the small things in life. Like having hot chocolate during a freezing evening. Or just blogging in the office when people are slipping away. There ain't much to do up on a hill. You either go join the 'corporate' crowd for some up tight drinks, or just find your own hide out. Thus what this is.

MY OWN LITTLE HIDEOUT.

Away from the hustle and bustle of work and my way of making sure my sanity doesn't slip and I don't become a workaholic Zombie like so :

Rest In Peace Aunty Rosa.

This is specially dedicated to a Godsister who just lost her gandpa about six months ago, and today, she unfortunately lost her grandma.

Due to a complicated situation, her grandparents were the father and mother figure for the first 12 years of her life. Some would say that would be the most important part of any individuals life.


Her grandma meant the world to her, especially as a role model. She was a beautiful woman, inside and out. Ever loving and nurturing. Aunty Rosa would give the world all she had, if she could. She was a mother not only to her kids but also her grandchildren. Full of humour and every smiling, she was a humble lady with abundance to share with all around her.


I remember sitting with her in church and being treated like part of her family, eventhough I was just her grand daughter's good friend.


The world has lost another freedom fighter and lover, but the heavens have received another angel.


To Clare,
Be strong girl. There's another angel watching over you. Feel rest assured that she hurts no more and God has taken her beautiful soul and is holding her in his arms.

+= To Love Birds =+

How it blooms, the feelings of ones soul
So exquisite yet it spins out of control
To witness such magic in their eyes
Gives hope to ones darkened sky

He fills her heart with the joy of spring
She fills him with love from her very being
Destined for each other to find
The power to heal a heart once blind

She moves to the dance of bells
She moves to the magic of lights
He moves to the dance of beats
He moves to the magic of the night

Together they sing a a song sung from way before
Music from a long time ago
But with their own original flow
All created with one movement from head to toe

+= The 4AM friend =+

A 4 AM friend is someone everyone should have.

They are a necessity for the proper function of an individuals system..

1. The 4 am friend is NOT your husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend or even a regular friend. This friend is special. You only have one of them in your life and they usually walk with you till the end.

2. The 4 am friend is the one who sees your soul and if you tell him/her that, he/she will laugh you out of the room calling you "INSANE".

3. This is the friend you think of when you are in DANGER, when you are CONFUSED, when you are IN LOVE, when you are OUT OF LOVE, when you are FRUSTRATED, when you are SCARED, when you WANT TO DIE, or when you WANT TO LIVE.

4. The 4 am friend is the one you might CALL one night and say, "I think we are meant to be together, lets get married" and then you hear him/her LAUGH his/her ass off ; you call him/her all the BAD WORDS in every language you know before you bang the phone down.

5. And as you bang the phone down you will hear at the other end a voice saying, "SLEEP TIGHT" and a smile creeps upon your face even though you are livid with the voice at the other end. And then you wake up in the morning and call the friend and say, "This guy has asked me out on a date, what should I wear?" and he/she says, "How about that dress....."

6. The GENDER of the 4 am friend is NOT IMPORTANT. In fact after a certain age it doesn't matter whether he is a he or a she; or she is a he or a she; or neither, or all.

7. All that matters is the friend who WILL WAKE UP FOR YOU at 4AM and LISTEN to your raving and ranting because he/she cares.

8. It really does not matter whether you are PHYSICALLY INTIMATE with your 4 am friend. After a certain age even that does not matter. Either you are not interested or you have journeyed enough in life to compartmentalize different aspects of your life.

9. What is important is that you can DISCUSS ANYTHING and EVERYTHING under the sun, without flinching.

10. Your 4am friend should be able to CALL YOUR BLUFF, tell you LIKE IT IS, LIFT you up when you are DOWN; and bring you DOWN when you are SOARING HIGH and in the WRONG DIRECTION.

11. He/She does it with UTMOST RESPECT and LOVE.

12. If there is ONE THING that you can be sure of, as sure as the sun rising every day, it is the fact that your 4am friend LOVES AND CARES A GREAT DEAL ABOUT YOU. There is a difference between "he/she is in love with me" and "he/she loves me dearly" - the former comes with no GUARANTEES...the latter usually comes with a LIFETIME WARRANTY.

It takes many years to find that one 4 am friend.
Some don't find one at all.
But when you find one you better keep him/her for life.

-They are precious.-

Choices

A world of choices to make in life.
Some made knowing wondrous opportunities await.
Others made cause you want to make the opportunities.

I've learnt that this pass few weeks.

And I'm going to be walking down this road for a while. Especially with the way the cards of life have been played.

I got my job up hill right after my exams. You can imagine how proud my parents were when they heard that their only daughter had gotten a job in a BIG company just merely weeks of finishing her papers. I was excited, they were overjoyed.

I wanted to be independant as soon as i could. Lessen the burdens of financial constraints at home. Wanted to make something and someone of myself. I needed to know i was heading somewhere. Been feeling lost and aimless for far too long.

Then life turns around and tell you, it ain't going to be that easy.

*looks up to ask* "There always has to be a catch no?!"

Apparently, I'm not quite done with my studies yet. Didn't excel through some papers, much to the dismay of my parents. That two minute phone call was enough to burst my 'cheerful rainbow filled bubble'. Like a freaking black hole.

After relocating my belongings and starting work, you're telling me I haven't freaking finished yet? Please GOD, be kidding me!!

Life is life, so the parents want me to finish up with the papers as soon as possible... But after contemplating things, I've decided to take things into my own hands. I can't be leaning on my parents all my life. They need sometime to enjoy themselves, plus there's my younger bro, Jason to think of.

Here's the decision : I'm going to work for one year, and see where it takes me. Then if I feel ready enough, I'll go back to finishing my papers. No point letting lose an experience which rarely comes along....

+= to call upon dreams =+

The clock ticks, a quarter to four,
to be awake at this ungodly hour?
Puts the mind on a permanent brain freeze
but then again, for some, that’s when emotions stream.

the skylight view of nocturnal glows generate random thoughts,
with a cigarette in one hand and a good book in another,
sitting curled up on a sofa,
yet serenity seems to be playing hide and seek,
the searching has become bothersome.

the radio is set on full blast,
screw the neighbours,
disrupt their slumber,
just like the peace is during afternoons,
when kids whines drown the high pitched nagging which go on for hours.

A step into the shower calms the nerves,
the water though freezing,
soothes the soul as it slides down structure,
taking with it the bad kismet of the day.

With the rebirth,
sounds are altered,
something slightly more appeasing,
which enhances the essence.

Lying in the cot,
calling for tranquillity ,
to be able to catch some forty winks,
before dawn breaks… hopefully.

-DAMN the man who said there’d be no rest for the wicked-

22 Years....

This is new, I haven't blogged in a LONG time...
Too much has happened and the memories are hard to ponder upon.

I have learnt, that there will always be things which we find hard to reminisce on. Stories which we would never want to tell or have told, yet to have stumbled upon them, you take them as lessons learnt.

But then there are stories that one won't ever want to forget, a situation you were fortunate enough to experience.

Like the feeling you got when you went bungee jumping and for that split second felt you could fly.
Like the feeling of having 3000 people stand, clap and scream 'encore' when you performed on stage.
Like the feeling after taking a few puffs of a spliff and your thoughts wonder.
Like the feeling of touching someone lip for lip and your knees melt, your eyes roll back and ur ears ring.

These are my lessons, my feelings, my thoughts, and the same of those around me, as well as those who have left us behind....