Gone...

After months of keeping things under control, I think I've lost it.
I don't know how to think/feel/react/interact/manage anymore.

Maybe its the stress of trying the best not to screw up the last chance at paper qualifications.
Maybe its the notice that the world does not give you what you have given to it.
Maybe its the emotional let down of having to lose a friend for reasons which are out of your own capabilities, although you've tried your best not to let it happen.
Maybe its the exhaustion from constantly having to deal with issues caused by people who won't think things through before taking action.
Maybe its the knowledge that nothing is going as planned.
Maybe its the sudden loneliness that engulfs you although the room is full of people.
Maybe its the disappointment of knowing that people still find a way to make comments of you even if you try your best to stay well hidden.
Maybe its the sudden urge to want to run away and hide from the world.
Maybe its the knowledge that as much as you try your best to keep something alive with least suffering, if its time to go, its time to go.
Maybe its the let down of knowing someone could make a difference, just stand by, watch and do absolutely nothing.
Maybe its the feeling when something you hold so precious and dear, get snatched away while in your grasp.

It could just be the suppressed anger from all the above boiling up and eating you alive.
It could just be tears which need to be shed.
It could be the need to have someone just hold you and not having to be strong on your own accord.

Even so, there is no time or space to break down. Situations may take a toll, but the backbone still needs to remain strong. Even when at the brink of insanity. Even if you are exhausted and the mind still remains adamant on playing tricks on you, even as you sleep.

Get me out of here.