+= Tears Of A Clown =+

I sat today and I cried.

Overwhelmed by a million and one situations.

Lost and confined to my little corner. 

Not knowing where to turn.

I once had arms to hold me.

Rocking my quivering frame.

As I broke down and leaned.

Those arms are now long gone.

No longer recognizable and no longer in existence.

My shoulders are my own strength.

My sleeves are my tissue to dry these tears.

My own spine is what I lean on when breaking.

Too alone for my own good.

Too strong for my own will.

Too independent for my own sanity.

Too ignorant to my own pain.

Thoughts and pain gets brushed off easy.

Like water to the back of a duck.

Only there for a moment before I move on.

Scratches and bruises covered with plaster.

Left to fester and sore.

Ignored and left to scare.

Thick is my skin.

No one shall know whats left deep within.

=+ His Grey Eyes +=

I promised myself not to think of you, not to want to see you, not to want to feel you.You have become a habit.

I don't like it...but you have become a habit.
I can't help it....that you are now a habit.
I guess it is my habit, to want things that are out of reach.
Now to deviate my habit.

It is not easy. The days seem longer, time passes slower and tasks just take forever. Without a distraction.

She couldn't seem to focus. Couldn't get sidetracked either. Her thoughts kept rushing back to him. When they were in the same room, his essence seemed to fill the air. His presence no matter how insignificant, made the whole room spin. It felt like the whole world was swept away and all that was left, was them.

Yet, he seemed out of bounds. His being totally encased by a glass, a shield. Impenetrable. Untouchable. 

She longed for the days when they seemed to belong. Why hadn't she taken that leap of faith? Maybe he had felt the same way. Now, things seemed so indifferent. She couldn't tell whether he was still the same person. She didn't know whether she was wither.

She tried hiding in her nook. Tried to pull herself together. She masked herself again, like when she used to before he made imprints. Before his smile touched her being. Before his pouts and frowns drew worry upon her brows.

Time keeps moving. But she, is at a stand still. Unable to flow along. Unable to catch the rhythm.

She just wants to be where they had been. Maybe a lil' more. Perhaps his strong arms could hold her. Perhaps his cuddles could piece her together again. His breath could guide her to breathe again. Perhaps his humour could make her truly laugh again and maybe, just maybe, his love could make her whole again.

She can't take it anymore, thoughts of him cloud her all day. She wishes she could tell him, but afraid it would scare him away. Fear, that things would never fall into place. Dreading, to look at him and see another face.She tries to stay away. Cause he clams up every time she takes a step forward. She's drawn to him. Like a moth to fire, her instinct won't let her move away.

There's more to you than meets the eyes.
I want to look into those mysterious orbs.
To see their hidden treasures.
To find the reason why they change a slight gray.
To make maya come true.
Or just to know of the sensations it holds, just for a while.

One Month Of Absence..

Its been over a month since I've had the time to sit down and actually breathe...
It feels like I've just been on the move constantly and I haven't had the time to be myself anymore.Could be a good thing, but on the other hand, could lead me somewhere I don't want to go.

Its come to a point where I may have just lost myself while on my journey to discovery. 
I'm finding it hard, but I'm still trying to remain ME as much as possible.

 August has brought DRAMA, farewells and fears.Hopefully next month will be a lil' calmer. 
Even so, it has also brought some REVELATIONS, good times and opportunities.

Now to list out everything in a Nutshell!
Done :
1. Interviewed Chef Robert Rainford (License To Grill) *extremely honoured*
2. Went through the Ghost House and Ripley's Believe It Or Not Museum at the First World Plaza.
3. Hosted a dinner for the Global Model United Nations Conference (got paid) *extremely lucky*
Amazed :
1. Friends who once strayed put away their differences to start over again.
2. Got approached to be 'Mistress of Ceremonies'
3. Social Media is such HUGE 'in-thing' right now. Use it wisely.
4. Caught up with friends!!!
Learnt :
1. BIG Multi-National Corporations can have small minded people in them
2. Some people never grow out of high school drama, even after many years of leaving the school gates.
3. People can be confusing. Sometimes its best not to even try to read into ANYTHING at all.
4. People, especially IN the 'system' are not organized even if they should be. *Never Have Expectations* 

+= The Dream Watcher =+

Now the clock is ticking clear

And our time is drawing near

My heart is aching to see one more smile

I’ll just watch your profile for a while

Those were the thoughts of The Pauper before she had decided to walk down this path. How she wished the notion had never crossed her mind. How she wished to have the past quarter of an hour not exist.

She walked out in the mist, lost in her thoughts. Having just found her heart mutilated again, consequences of her own undoing. She had been down this road too many times before. Thorn to pieces, numbed.

She had thrown herself like a canon ball into the cold dark depths of the ocean, hoping and praying that a lifeline would miraculously appear. It still wasn’t her turn, and it hurt. She had watched silently as others survived floating along, holding tightly to their buoys while she struggled for dear life to keep a float.

She walked down darkened corridors, through secret passageways from the castle in which she would never belong. She glanced to her side, seeing again The Prince in his soft warm chambers in the arms of The Beauty. What of herself? Foolish girl, she would never fit there.

How could she have thought otherwise?

She must think too highly of herself.

She dreams too far.

She wants too much.

The Beauty dressed in her finest. Hands painted. Face polished. Clothes gleamed with sparkles.

The prince dressed in finery. Fluffy seams. Face full of character.

The pauper herself, complicated. One day in the best she could find from castaways and on other days, in ragged up wear. She would never have the sophistication acquired to reach their air of class.

Waking up from her thoughts, she finds herself lost, disorientated. Her thoughts, ideas and kaleidoscopes have brought her to a dead end. Searching, she finds her way through the cold, damp air, dark forests and stumbles her way in the direction of her chilled nook. 

The quiet kills as she falls into her cot. Her masks no longer exist, faceless suddenly. The warmth and spirit taken away from her just like how they had inexplicably appeared. Exhausted and wasted, she tries to pull herself together, looking for the strength she can no longer uncover.

Reflections of him flood her mind endlessly. The secret letters they wrote. The pet names they shared. The humour. The laughter. The pointless jibes they playfully abused each other with.

Now bleeding from her eyes, her heart smashed into million pieces over and over again. She could never go down that road again. She had lost her will to fight a long while ago.

Tormented, she had to make peace with her past the only way she knew how, by replaying the old memories. Demons from within crept up to remind her of the pain she had survived. The roads of treachery and disguise she witnessed to get where she was. No where.

Knowing no other way, she accepted her fate and flowed along with the evil, as they showed her the nightmares she would be dreaming of.

If only she could find someone who was willing to watch over her dreams, if only for a night.

+= A Question =+

This odd fascination

Is beginning to cause an irritation

For a simple reason

That it is becoming a distraction

It is a confusing explanation

An infatuation

Of an attraction

I proceed with apprehension

For fear of complication

It is in fact an abomination

One which in conclusion

Would not be an obligation

But could mean salvation

For a two soul combination

For words to become a personification

The effect can only be some form of satisfaction

Even if it may turn into rejection

+= Sunshine =+

Ain't No Sunshine

I've heard this song many times. It was originally performed by Bill Withers, but has been covered by so many artists in their own personalized fashion.

Even Kriss Allen on American Idol. (Season 8)


Then I came across this version today. Somehow it just blew me away. So calming and meaningful.

+= True LOVE is Sacrifice. LOVE is Selfless not Selfish =+

always solo
but you wait to hear the words echo 
as you spit rhymes precise, 
like airflow on an arrow

behind your eyes of doe
I see dreams bigger than a condo

kampung boy, slightly slow
wear your halo, but we know
catch a pose thinking macho
cheeky grins in your photo

we'll wait to see the rainbow
in that open plain meadow

i think i know you from a while ago
Hey, isn't ur name 'Ego'?