I haven't been here in a while. I don't think I remember how it works.
They say you never forget how to ride a bike. Funny that you can forget how to recognize yourself in the mirror. I digress.
But strangely I've been thinking about writing again. A LOT. Been looking for the right platform. I guess some habits are hard to drop. Wandered over here and re-read my old conundrums. Some still current. I guess some lessons still looking to be learnt.
Anyways, a little something I wrote a while ago. Found in the dark recesses of old storage. #joysofmariekondo
I think my thoughts don't quite matter anymore
The understanding of our seas seems blurry to you
I say this to you because you are the Captain of this ship
The rest of us your loyal shipmates
A sailor comes to shift your sight to new horizons
Adventures await, and we stand unfailing
We're searched many hidden treasures before
Why should this be any different?
I will strive to put my best foot forward,
My loyalty lies in the fact that I am who I am, and you who you are
But will you stay you, and I stay I...if the sea changes us?
0
A dark place...
I'm lousy at this. I haven't been on this page in a long time. Too many memories. Too much drama. Too much baggage. Funny how I'm back here. Especially now.
It just feels like I've gotten to a really dark place and I can't seem to get out. The countless times I've told myself to straighten my back and push forward. I think I've grown immune to my own voice, my own sense of reason, my conscience.
It feels like I've lost control...of everything. Maybe I never had control to begin with. Maybe it was all ... I just don't know anymore.
I'm here coz I don't know where to turn to anymore. I'm here coz I've forgotten what its like to be able to open up and let someone else in. I'm here coz I think my thoughts are over dramatic and stupid and hold no worth but I can't help but be affected by them. I'm here coz I don't think other people will understand becoz I don't understand.
It's taken control and I can't stop it. I can't stop the days where all I want to do is curl up in a dark corner, shut off from the world and remain in silence. I can't control my temper and have lost most of my patience. I feel bad that I can't bring myself to participate in activities and conversations with dear friends and loved ones coz I don't want to have them succumb to my fury of darkness and unpredictable emotions. I get infuriated for reasons that are minuscule and difficult to justify.
Everything feels like its bubbled up and if I let one thing out, it'll be a stampede of emotions, out of control and there's no telling what the aftermath will look like. So I can't afford to let one thing go. I can't afford not to hold things together. I can't afford to break just a little. I have to hold it all in although it gets so hard to breath and it feels like my lungs are ready to cave in.
I'm afraid i'll never be able to come back from it all if I give in. I don't know if I'll be able to pick up the pieces again if I let it go crashing. I don't know if anyone will be there to notice.
It just feels like I've gotten to a really dark place and I can't seem to get out. The countless times I've told myself to straighten my back and push forward. I think I've grown immune to my own voice, my own sense of reason, my conscience.
It feels like I've lost control...of everything. Maybe I never had control to begin with. Maybe it was all ... I just don't know anymore.
I'm here coz I don't know where to turn to anymore. I'm here coz I've forgotten what its like to be able to open up and let someone else in. I'm here coz I think my thoughts are over dramatic and stupid and hold no worth but I can't help but be affected by them. I'm here coz I don't think other people will understand becoz I don't understand.
It's taken control and I can't stop it. I can't stop the days where all I want to do is curl up in a dark corner, shut off from the world and remain in silence. I can't control my temper and have lost most of my patience. I feel bad that I can't bring myself to participate in activities and conversations with dear friends and loved ones coz I don't want to have them succumb to my fury of darkness and unpredictable emotions. I get infuriated for reasons that are minuscule and difficult to justify.
Everything feels like its bubbled up and if I let one thing out, it'll be a stampede of emotions, out of control and there's no telling what the aftermath will look like. So I can't afford to let one thing go. I can't afford not to hold things together. I can't afford to break just a little. I have to hold it all in although it gets so hard to breath and it feels like my lungs are ready to cave in.
I'm afraid i'll never be able to come back from it all if I give in. I don't know if I'll be able to pick up the pieces again if I let it go crashing. I don't know if anyone will be there to notice.
Posted by
Melia Ayesha
Still surviving
Not yet dead. Not yet fully alive. But still pulling through.
Maybe my last post was a tad melodramatic. But in its full essence, that was how I felt. Past tense. Meaning I have moved on from that...hopefully to a world where I can make better sense of things.
The way life tends to sway from making dreams come true to making nightmares come to life... it scares me to even think of creeping up to the next curtain and peeking to see what lies in store for me.
For now I still keep my little wish lists in jars by my window protected by my dream catcher that sways, swept by the night wind. As the stars gleam looking on, reminding themselves of their distant memory of the wide eyed little girl on bended knees praying for her BIG dreams.
Well, the stars can be rest assured that the girl, not little anymore is still on her knees, no longer praying but fighting for her dreams. Although she no longer knows what those dreams are anymore, she just knows they are BIG and she will recognize them when she gets there. Till then, she keeps pushing forward, straining her back but learning at every step that she can achieve more than she assumed possible.
Posted by
Melia Ayesha
Gone...
After months of keeping things under control, I think I've lost it.
I don't know how to think/feel/react/interact/manage anymore.
Maybe its the stress of trying the best not to screw up the last chance at paper qualifications.
Maybe its the notice that the world does not give you what you have given to it.
Maybe its the emotional let down of having to lose a friend for reasons which are out of your own capabilities, although you've tried your best not to let it happen.
Maybe its the exhaustion from constantly having to deal with issues caused by people who won't think things through before taking action.
Maybe its the knowledge that nothing is going as planned.
Maybe its the sudden loneliness that engulfs you although the room is full of people.
Maybe its the disappointment of knowing that people still find a way to make comments of you even if you try your best to stay well hidden.
Maybe its the sudden urge to want to run away and hide from the world.
Maybe its the knowledge that as much as you try your best to keep something alive with least suffering, if its time to go, its time to go.
Maybe its the let down of knowing someone could make a difference, just stand by, watch and do absolutely nothing.
Maybe its the feeling when something you hold so precious and dear, get snatched away while in your grasp.
It could just be the suppressed anger from all the above boiling up and eating you alive.
It could just be tears which need to be shed.
It could be the need to have someone just hold you and not having to be strong on your own accord.
Even so, there is no time or space to break down. Situations may take a toll, but the backbone still needs to remain strong. Even when at the brink of insanity. Even if you are exhausted and the mind still remains adamant on playing tricks on you, even as you sleep.
Get me out of here.
I don't know how to think/feel/react/interact/manage anymore.
Maybe its the stress of trying the best not to screw up the last chance at paper qualifications.
Maybe its the notice that the world does not give you what you have given to it.
Maybe its the emotional let down of having to lose a friend for reasons which are out of your own capabilities, although you've tried your best not to let it happen.
Maybe its the exhaustion from constantly having to deal with issues caused by people who won't think things through before taking action.
Maybe its the knowledge that nothing is going as planned.
Maybe its the sudden loneliness that engulfs you although the room is full of people.
Maybe its the disappointment of knowing that people still find a way to make comments of you even if you try your best to stay well hidden.
Maybe its the sudden urge to want to run away and hide from the world.
Maybe its the knowledge that as much as you try your best to keep something alive with least suffering, if its time to go, its time to go.
Maybe its the let down of knowing someone could make a difference, just stand by, watch and do absolutely nothing.
Maybe its the feeling when something you hold so precious and dear, get snatched away while in your grasp.
It could just be the suppressed anger from all the above boiling up and eating you alive.
It could just be tears which need to be shed.
It could be the need to have someone just hold you and not having to be strong on your own accord.
Even so, there is no time or space to break down. Situations may take a toll, but the backbone still needs to remain strong. Even when at the brink of insanity. Even if you are exhausted and the mind still remains adamant on playing tricks on you, even as you sleep.
Get me out of here.
Posted by
Melia Ayesha
Living is more important..
Its been forever since I've penned my thoughts. Its ironic really that when I finally decided to drag myself out of bed this morning, I was overcome with this urge to just sit and write. After months of ignoring this page, I seemed to just gravitate to it.
I've just turned 24. The years have taken me through quite a few adventures and taught me a bunch of lessons that I am grateful for. Its made me stronger and wiser. I'm pretty sure that there are a lot more lessons just lurking in the corner and waiting to just throw themselves at me, I've learnt to just give them their time and space to happen.
I've been reminded an awful lot lately to just LIVE life. Because its short. Because you only get to live it once. Because you should constantly count on your blessings before they feel like they've been taken for grantedd. The past week has been filled with people constantly dropping notes of how I should keep breathing and take things a step at a time. And looking back, I couldn't agree more.
I was given quite a hard knock on the head when a friend told me at the wee hours in the morning that, 'Life, is not about the rat race your running, its about living'. Something just snapped in me. I just noticed how I've been trying my hardest to rush through the time and I've forgotten to really take a step back and smile. I have to admit that stress has become like a constant in my days of late that I didn't even realize that its there. It took a trip to KL along with a dinner date with a bunch of crazy friends to take notice of how things have been just running wrongly.
I suddenly noticed how detached I've been. It feels like I've been just reading about life and how I go through my days instead of actually living it. Does that happen to anyone else? Where you look back at the past few months and don't know where they flew by. Recalling them is like remembering words from a book you just read. Not something you've actually experienced but just words that pass in your head. I'm detached.
I've just turned 24. The years have taken me through quite a few adventures and taught me a bunch of lessons that I am grateful for. Its made me stronger and wiser. I'm pretty sure that there are a lot more lessons just lurking in the corner and waiting to just throw themselves at me, I've learnt to just give them their time and space to happen.
I've been reminded an awful lot lately to just LIVE life. Because its short. Because you only get to live it once. Because you should constantly count on your blessings before they feel like they've been taken for grantedd. The past week has been filled with people constantly dropping notes of how I should keep breathing and take things a step at a time. And looking back, I couldn't agree more.
I was given quite a hard knock on the head when a friend told me at the wee hours in the morning that, 'Life, is not about the rat race your running, its about living'. Something just snapped in me. I just noticed how I've been trying my hardest to rush through the time and I've forgotten to really take a step back and smile. I have to admit that stress has become like a constant in my days of late that I didn't even realize that its there. It took a trip to KL along with a dinner date with a bunch of crazy friends to take notice of how things have been just running wrongly.
I suddenly noticed how detached I've been. It feels like I've been just reading about life and how I go through my days instead of actually living it. Does that happen to anyone else? Where you look back at the past few months and don't know where they flew by. Recalling them is like remembering words from a book you just read. Not something you've actually experienced but just words that pass in your head. I'm detached.
Posted by
Melia Ayesha
+= Puppet Turned Scapegoat =+
Amazing how my opinions, never affected your decisions
Amazing how what you felt, was more important than reason
Amazing how suddenly I, have been placed as the advocate for all your decisions
Amazing how I, am suddenly the cause of all this friction
Forgotten are the days when I asked you to look at things from a different point of view
Forgotten are the days when I asked you to walk in someone else's shoes
Forgotten are the days when I shed some light to a world you would have not have thought of
Forgotten are the days when I sighed for a battle not worth fighting for
And yet today light has been shed on the situation
Tables have turned and fingers have been pointed
Awkward conversations and indiscreet silences
Brush offs and cold shoulders
In my direction no doubt
No one else knows of the going ons backstage
Yet the performances in the spotlight is all that matter
And you have executed your role flawlessly
As they say, life is but a stage play
Quiet as I lay
Cringing at the knifes that stab
The story will be left untold
For I remain the puppet turned scapegoat.
Posted by
Melia Ayesha
When you give, you receive in tenfold.
I know I haven't been updating much. Life has just been one turbulence after another. It shouldn't be a surprise that I'm looking forward to the New Year. I hope things work out better. Scratch that. I know things will be better. (by the power of will as they say)
Anyways, its been a long Christmas this year. Although I wasn't in Ipoh most of the time. However, I found a new feeling for Christmas this year. One that I know I will keep for a long, long, long, long, long, long..........time. *you catch my drift*
It started off with a visit to the Pediatric ward at UUMC Hospital in the middle of December. I never thought that the joy I saw on the faces of the children could make the sun shine seem brighter. But it did. Don't get me wrong, I have done my fair share of charity work in the past. Yet, this just seemed different. I saw the expression of gloom on some of the faces of these children a few minutes before. Suddenly while interacting with them, their faces simply lit up with wonder. Of course it helped that Allie & Tabby, the mascots from the mountain I work for was there. But still, there was this sudden change in them, like soft blush of excitement as they received gifts and hugged the mascots. Heads up to the 2 men who walked around in the suits for 2 hours. By the end of the day, they were barely breathing. Lol.
Then there was this crazily Funky Christmas Party! Which was held on the mountain for nearly 400 less fortunate children. The preparation for the event the night before truly made me feel like one of Santa's Elf's. The hours spent preparing 400 goodie bags and sorting out gifts till the wee hours of the morning and getting barely 2 hours of sleep really was worth it. From putting t-shirts and teddy bears into a bag, to sorting through names and making sure that each child had the gift he/she wished for. We even checked the name list twice! Talking about being true to playing the part of Santa's Little Helper. I'm glad to say that each child walked away that day with the gift they wished for. I on the other hand, walked away with this strong sense of what Christmas is all about. I even had Christmas songs playing through my head the whole week. =) *Santa Baby....lalalalala*
The next day after work, headed back home to spend Christmas with the family. Me and the bro's made plans and came up with crazy gifts for the family. Let me tell you, there was a lot of conspiracy going on. Safe to say that everyone ended up with many awesome gifts and smiles went round the whole house. Especially with the parents. They seemed quite overjoyed and I am glad! *all the stress was worth it* Mum was especially in good moods and Dad was just grinning ear to ear.
The day after Christmas, Dad & the Lions Club decided to visit some Spastic Children and we enjoyed our time with them singing Christmas Carols. They clapped and echoed along as we sang... *even though some were croaking* Lol.
I've learnt some really valuable lessons this Christmas. Lessons I don't ever want to forget. I guess this post will remain to remind of them. Till the next time, I hope you all have/had/will have a Blessed Merry Christmas & an Awesome Fulfilling New Year. It doesn't matter what has/will happen. What matters is that you make the best of it!
*photos to be updated soon*
Anyways, its been a long Christmas this year. Although I wasn't in Ipoh most of the time. However, I found a new feeling for Christmas this year. One that I know I will keep for a long, long, long, long, long, long..........time. *you catch my drift*
It started off with a visit to the Pediatric ward at UUMC Hospital in the middle of December. I never thought that the joy I saw on the faces of the children could make the sun shine seem brighter. But it did. Don't get me wrong, I have done my fair share of charity work in the past. Yet, this just seemed different. I saw the expression of gloom on some of the faces of these children a few minutes before. Suddenly while interacting with them, their faces simply lit up with wonder. Of course it helped that Allie & Tabby, the mascots from the mountain I work for was there. But still, there was this sudden change in them, like soft blush of excitement as they received gifts and hugged the mascots. Heads up to the 2 men who walked around in the suits for 2 hours. By the end of the day, they were barely breathing. Lol.
Then there was this crazily Funky Christmas Party! Which was held on the mountain for nearly 400 less fortunate children. The preparation for the event the night before truly made me feel like one of Santa's Elf's. The hours spent preparing 400 goodie bags and sorting out gifts till the wee hours of the morning and getting barely 2 hours of sleep really was worth it. From putting t-shirts and teddy bears into a bag, to sorting through names and making sure that each child had the gift he/she wished for. We even checked the name list twice! Talking about being true to playing the part of Santa's Little Helper. I'm glad to say that each child walked away that day with the gift they wished for. I on the other hand, walked away with this strong sense of what Christmas is all about. I even had Christmas songs playing through my head the whole week. =) *Santa Baby....lalalalala*
The next day after work, headed back home to spend Christmas with the family. Me and the bro's made plans and came up with crazy gifts for the family. Let me tell you, there was a lot of conspiracy going on. Safe to say that everyone ended up with many awesome gifts and smiles went round the whole house. Especially with the parents. They seemed quite overjoyed and I am glad! *all the stress was worth it* Mum was especially in good moods and Dad was just grinning ear to ear.
The day after Christmas, Dad & the Lions Club decided to visit some Spastic Children and we enjoyed our time with them singing Christmas Carols. They clapped and echoed along as we sang... *even though some were croaking* Lol.
I've learnt some really valuable lessons this Christmas. Lessons I don't ever want to forget. I guess this post will remain to remind of them. Till the next time, I hope you all have/had/will have a Blessed Merry Christmas & an Awesome Fulfilling New Year. It doesn't matter what has/will happen. What matters is that you make the best of it!
*photos to be updated soon*
Posted by
Melia Ayesha
+= to walk his steps =+
much like him
to inhale a breath or two
on those cold nights
those nights
where your mind just needs to run
i take the same motions as he does
A box, a spark, a puff, a blow
No sound, just breathe
No sound, just the nite
No sound, just the sky
No sound, just my mind and I
Not one of his finer habits
Not one he’d be proud of that I picked up
But yet to walk in the same steps
Feel the same raw emotions
The same attempt for escape,
but two different directions
Posted by
Melia Ayesha
+= Thank You =+
Dear you,
Thank you for finding the time to meet up.
Thank you for finding the time to meet up.
Thank you for not blowing your top.
Thank you for taking the effort.
Thank you for being a remedy to the hurt.
Thank you for being so accepting of all that we are.
Thank you for sitting with me while i looked at stars.
Thank you for being here all this while.
Thank you for having your own style.
Thank you for not getting pissed with what I say.
Even if we 'kutuk' u everyday.
Thank you for sticking up for us.
Thank you for joining in when we curse.
Thank you for offering your shoulder.
Thank you for being bolder.
Thank you for passing me the tissue.
Thank you for not making harping on the issue.
Thank you for twisting my brains a little.
Thank you for making me giggle.
Thank you for the songs you sing.
Thank you for the joy you bring.
Thank you for being so quiet.
Thank you for staying up though your tired.
Thank you for offering me somewhere i can run to.
Thank you for just being you.
Look how fast time has flown.
Look at how much we’ve all grown.
Maybe we’re older.
Maybe we’re not much wiser.
The travel may have been a little tough.
In time we may get busy with our own stuff.
But I know one thing for sure.
It’ll take years to find friendship like ours so pure.
Thank you for taking the effort.
Thank you for being a remedy to the hurt.
Thank you for being so accepting of all that we are.
Thank you for sitting with me while i looked at stars.
Thank you for being here all this while.
Thank you for having your own style.
Thank you for not getting pissed with what I say.
Even if we 'kutuk' u everyday.
Thank you for sticking up for us.
Thank you for joining in when we curse.
Thank you for offering your shoulder.
Thank you for being bolder.
Thank you for passing me the tissue.
Thank you for not making harping on the issue.
Thank you for twisting my brains a little.
Thank you for making me giggle.
Thank you for the songs you sing.
Thank you for the joy you bring.
Thank you for being so quiet.
Thank you for staying up though your tired.
Thank you for offering me somewhere i can run to.
Thank you for just being you.
Look how fast time has flown.
Look at how much we’ve all grown.
Maybe we’re older.
Maybe we’re not much wiser.
The travel may have been a little tough.
In time we may get busy with our own stuff.
But I know one thing for sure.
It’ll take years to find friendship like ours so pure.
Special Dedication to all you lovable people in my world.
Posted by
Melia Ayesha
+= Hope =+
She's back at that place again.
Watching broken people.
Who in turn watch their own broken dreams float by.
Who live their broken lives.
Daily trying to mend their broken hearts.
She sits and watches. Helpless.
As the world quakes.
As empires falls.
As lives crumble around her.
Shards barely missing her.
Her skin filled with scrapes and cuts.
She moves but a muscles.
Just sit and wait.
Hold your ground.
Their lives do not destine yours.
Its getting harder to hold on.
Hope has become but a glimmer.
Yet it still burns.
Even with the smallest spark.
And that is all that matters.
Posted by
Melia Ayesha
+= Tears Of A Clown =+
I sat today and I cried.
Overwhelmed by a million and one situations.
Lost and confined to my little corner.
Not knowing where to turn.
I once had arms to hold me.
Rocking my quivering frame.
As I broke down and leaned.
Those arms are now long gone.
No longer recognizable and no longer in existence.
My shoulders are my own strength.
My sleeves are my tissue to dry these tears.
My own spine is what I lean on when breaking.
Too alone for my own good.
Too strong for my own will.
Too independent for my own sanity.
Too ignorant to my own pain.
Thoughts and pain gets brushed off easy.
Like water to the back of a duck.
Only there for a moment before I move on.
Scratches and bruises covered with plaster.
Left to fester and sore.
Ignored and left to scare.
Thick is my skin.
No one shall know whats left deep within.
Posted by
Melia Ayesha
=+ His Grey Eyes +=
I promised myself not to think of you, not to want to see you, not to want to feel you.You have become a habit.
She couldn't seem to focus. Couldn't get sidetracked either. Her thoughts kept rushing back to him. When they were in the same room, his essence seemed to fill the air. His presence no matter how insignificant, made the whole room spin. It felt like the whole world was swept away and all that was left, was them.
Yet, he seemed out of bounds. His being totally encased by a glass, a shield. Impenetrable. Untouchable.
She longed for the days when they seemed to belong. Why hadn't she taken that leap of faith? Maybe he had felt the same way. Now, things seemed so indifferent. She couldn't tell whether he was still the same person. She didn't know whether she was wither.
She tried hiding in her nook. Tried to pull herself together. She masked herself again, like when she used to before he made imprints. Before his smile touched her being. Before his pouts and frowns drew worry upon her brows.
Time keeps moving. But she, is at a stand still. Unable to flow along. Unable to catch the rhythm.
She just wants to be where they had been. Maybe a lil' more. Perhaps his strong arms could hold her. Perhaps his cuddles could piece her together again. His breath could guide her to breathe again. Perhaps his humour could make her truly laugh again and maybe, just maybe, his love could make her whole again.
She can't take it anymore, thoughts of him cloud her all day. She wishes she could tell him, but afraid it would scare him away. Fear, that things would never fall into place. Dreading, to look at him and see another face.She tries to stay away. Cause he clams up every time she takes a step forward. She's drawn to him. Like a moth to fire, her instinct won't let her move away.
I don't like it...but you have become a habit.It is not easy. The days seem longer, time passes slower and tasks just take forever. Without a distraction.
I can't help it....that you are now a habit.
I guess it is my habit, to want things that are out of reach.
Now to deviate my habit.
She couldn't seem to focus. Couldn't get sidetracked either. Her thoughts kept rushing back to him. When they were in the same room, his essence seemed to fill the air. His presence no matter how insignificant, made the whole room spin. It felt like the whole world was swept away and all that was left, was them.
Yet, he seemed out of bounds. His being totally encased by a glass, a shield. Impenetrable. Untouchable.
She longed for the days when they seemed to belong. Why hadn't she taken that leap of faith? Maybe he had felt the same way. Now, things seemed so indifferent. She couldn't tell whether he was still the same person. She didn't know whether she was wither.
She tried hiding in her nook. Tried to pull herself together. She masked herself again, like when she used to before he made imprints. Before his smile touched her being. Before his pouts and frowns drew worry upon her brows.
Time keeps moving. But she, is at a stand still. Unable to flow along. Unable to catch the rhythm.
She just wants to be where they had been. Maybe a lil' more. Perhaps his strong arms could hold her. Perhaps his cuddles could piece her together again. His breath could guide her to breathe again. Perhaps his humour could make her truly laugh again and maybe, just maybe, his love could make her whole again.
She can't take it anymore, thoughts of him cloud her all day. She wishes she could tell him, but afraid it would scare him away. Fear, that things would never fall into place. Dreading, to look at him and see another face.She tries to stay away. Cause he clams up every time she takes a step forward. She's drawn to him. Like a moth to fire, her instinct won't let her move away.
There's more to you than meets the eyes.
I want to look into those mysterious orbs.
To see their hidden treasures.
To find the reason why they change a slight gray.
To make maya come true.
Or just to know of the sensations it holds, just for a while.
Posted by
Melia Ayesha
One Month Of Absence..
Its been over a month since I've had the time to sit down and actually breathe...
It feels like I've just been on the move constantly and I haven't had the time to be myself anymore.Could be a good thing, but on the other hand, could lead me somewhere I don't want to go.
Its come to a point where I may have just lost myself while on my journey to discovery.
I'm finding it hard, but I'm still trying to remain ME as much as possible.
August has brought DRAMA, farewells and fears.Hopefully next month will be a lil' calmer.
Even so, it has also brought some REVELATIONS, good times and opportunities.
Now to list out everything in a Nutshell!
Done :
1. Interviewed Chef Robert Rainford (License To Grill) *extremely honoured*
2. Went through the Ghost House and Ripley's Believe It Or Not Museum at the First World Plaza.
3. Hosted a dinner for the Global Model United Nations Conference (got paid) *extremely lucky*
Amazed :
1. Friends who once strayed put away their differences to start over again.
2. Got approached to be 'Mistress of Ceremonies'
3. Social Media is such HUGE 'in-thing' right now. Use it wisely.
4. Caught up with friends!!!
Learnt :
1. BIG Multi-National Corporations can have small minded people in them
2. Some people never grow out of high school drama, even after many years of leaving the school gates.
3. People can be confusing. Sometimes its best not to even try to read into ANYTHING at all.
4. People, especially IN the 'system' are not organized even if they should be. *Never Have Expectations*
It feels like I've just been on the move constantly and I haven't had the time to be myself anymore.Could be a good thing, but on the other hand, could lead me somewhere I don't want to go.
Its come to a point where I may have just lost myself while on my journey to discovery.
I'm finding it hard, but I'm still trying to remain ME as much as possible.
August has brought DRAMA, farewells and fears.Hopefully next month will be a lil' calmer.
Even so, it has also brought some REVELATIONS, good times and opportunities.
Now to list out everything in a Nutshell!
Done :
1. Interviewed Chef Robert Rainford (License To Grill) *extremely honoured*
2. Went through the Ghost House and Ripley's Believe It Or Not Museum at the First World Plaza.
3. Hosted a dinner for the Global Model United Nations Conference (got paid) *extremely lucky*
Amazed :
1. Friends who once strayed put away their differences to start over again.
2. Got approached to be 'Mistress of Ceremonies'
3. Social Media is such HUGE 'in-thing' right now. Use it wisely.
4. Caught up with friends!!!
Learnt :
1. BIG Multi-National Corporations can have small minded people in them
2. Some people never grow out of high school drama, even after many years of leaving the school gates.
3. People can be confusing. Sometimes its best not to even try to read into ANYTHING at all.
4. People, especially IN the 'system' are not organized even if they should be. *Never Have Expectations*
Posted by
Melia Ayesha
+= The Dream Watcher =+
Now the clock is ticking clear
And our time is drawing near
My heart is aching to see one more smile
I’ll just watch your profile for a while
Those were the thoughts of The Pauper before she had decided to walk down this path. How she wished the notion had never crossed her mind. How she wished to have the past quarter of an hour not exist.
She walked out in the mist, lost in her thoughts. Having just found her heart mutilated again, consequences of her own undoing. She had been down this road too many times before. Thorn to pieces, numbed.
She had thrown herself like a canon ball into the cold dark depths of the ocean, hoping and praying that a lifeline would miraculously appear. It still wasn’t her turn, and it hurt. She had watched silently as others survived floating along, holding tightly to their buoys while she struggled for dear life to keep a float.
She walked down darkened corridors, through secret passageways from the castle in which she would never belong. She glanced to her side, seeing again The Prince in his soft warm chambers in the arms of The Beauty. What of herself? Foolish girl, she would never fit there.
How could she have thought otherwise?
She must think too highly of herself.
She dreams too far.
She wants too much.
The Beauty dressed in her finest. Hands painted. Face polished. Clothes gleamed with sparkles.
The prince dressed in finery. Fluffy seams. Face full of character.
The pauper herself, complicated. One day in the best she could find from castaways and on other days, in ragged up wear. She would never have the sophistication acquired to reach their air of class.
Waking up from her thoughts, she finds herself lost, disorientated. Her thoughts, ideas and kaleidoscopes have brought her to a dead end. Searching, she finds her way through the cold, damp air, dark forests and stumbles her way in the direction of her chilled nook.
The quiet kills as she falls into her cot. Her masks no longer exist, faceless suddenly. The warmth and spirit taken away from her just like how they had inexplicably appeared. Exhausted and wasted, she tries to pull herself together, looking for the strength she can no longer uncover.
Reflections of him flood her mind endlessly. The secret letters they wrote. The pet names they shared. The humour. The laughter. The pointless jibes they playfully abused each other with.
Now bleeding from her eyes, her heart smashed into million pieces over and over again. She could never go down that road again. She had lost her will to fight a long while ago.
Tormented, she had to make peace with her past the only way she knew how, by replaying the old memories. Demons from within crept up to remind her of the pain she had survived. The roads of treachery and disguise she witnessed to get where she was. No where.
Knowing no other way, she accepted her fate and flowed along with the evil, as they showed her the nightmares she would be dreaming of.
If only she could find someone who was willing to watch over her dreams, if only for a night.
Posted by
Melia Ayesha
+= A Question =+
This odd fascination
Is beginning to cause an irritation
For a simple reason
That it is becoming a distraction
It is a confusing explanation
An infatuation
Of an attraction
I proceed with apprehension
For fear of complication
It is in fact an abomination
One which in conclusion
Would not be an obligation
But could mean salvation
For a two soul combination
For words to become a personification
The effect can only be some form of satisfaction
Even if it may turn into rejection
Posted by
Melia Ayesha
+= Sunshine =+
Ain't No Sunshine
I've heard this song many times. It was originally performed by Bill Withers, but has been covered by so many artists in their own personalized fashion.
Even Kriss Allen on American Idol. (Season 8)
Then I came across this version today. Somehow it just blew me away. So calming and meaningful.
I've heard this song many times. It was originally performed by Bill Withers, but has been covered by so many artists in their own personalized fashion.
Even Kriss Allen on American Idol. (Season 8)
Then I came across this version today. Somehow it just blew me away. So calming and meaningful.
Posted by
Melia Ayesha
+= True LOVE is Sacrifice. LOVE is Selfless not Selfish =+
always solo
but you wait to hear the words echo
as you spit rhymes precise,
like airflow on an arrow
behind your eyes of doe
I see dreams bigger than a condo
kampung boy, slightly slow
wear your halo, but we know
catch a pose thinking macho
cheeky grins in your photo
we'll wait to see the rainbow
in that open plain meadow
i think i know you from a while ago
Hey, isn't ur name 'Ego'?
but you wait to hear the words echo
as you spit rhymes precise,
like airflow on an arrow
behind your eyes of doe
I see dreams bigger than a condo
kampung boy, slightly slow
wear your halo, but we know
catch a pose thinking macho
cheeky grins in your photo
we'll wait to see the rainbow
in that open plain meadow
i think i know you from a while ago
Hey, isn't ur name 'Ego'?
Posted by
Melia Ayesha
+= Change, like Sunshine, can be a Friend or a Foe =+
Got a sudden visit by a dear friend. His camera shy, so I had to bully him a little. Lol.
Speaking of friends, I got in contact with a some old friends recently...
Just to be able to sit side by side. Crack silly jokes. In the midst of heart to heart talks. Jump to funny little conclusions. Be brought back down to earth. Realize that LIFE is a BIG word and we are no where near where we used to be or where we are headed.
Posted by
Melia Ayesha
+= Ink NOT Mink =+
Anyways, did a lil' research on PETA and this is what I found out.
PETA = People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals = largest animal rights organization in the world = 2 million member and supporters
They focus their attention on the four areas in which the largest numbers of animals suffer the most intensely for the longest periods of time :
1. factory farms
2. laboratories
3. the clothing trade
4. the entertainment industry * this include poorly kept Zoo's and circus'*
PETA works through public education, cruelty investigations, research, animal rescue, legislation, special events, celebrity involvement, and protest campaigns.
Clickety click (here) for more info!
If you don't get what I mean in the entertainment section,watch the video below.
Taken at Kota A'Famosa. Druggin an animal which is an endangered species like this is ILLEGAL!
Not so smart people * I'm being very nice here* did this to attract visitors by giving them a chance to see the animal upclose but WHAT THE HECK!
Wonder how that guy would feel if I smacked and kneed him in the face like he did the poor animal.
They even had the nerve to claim that the Tiger was just naturally sleepy.
Posted by
Melia Ayesha
+= Rain Melts =+
A Rain Kiss : Letting silver liquid droplets fall on your head as the splashes and the heart beat of a loved one sings you a lullaby.
__________________________________________________________________________
This is one talented individual. I caught one of his performance before and his such a sweetheart with a cheeky grin (watch the beginning of the video closely if you don't believe me). His name is Darren Ashley.
Posted by
Melia Ayesha
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